some tmes they make us cry

I had a memory jogger the other day. Lianna had been out with her other grandma and her mom. I guess they were running around shopping for stuff as woman do.

When she came home she knocked on my bedroom door and came in and handed me a ziplock bag with 3 peeps inside. Sandra loved Peeps. Every year around Easter she would buy lots of Peeps. Yellow were her favorite. Sandra would share her Peeps and we enjoyed them while they lasted.

When Lianna gave me the bags of Peeps she instructed me that I could eat one now and save one for later. But she said, "Don't eat the other one." I asked her why she said "Save it for when grandma (Sandra) comes back with Jesus."

Lianna was 3 years old when Sandra passed. It has been said "by their fruits ye shall know them". Sandra raised a great crop. Lianna remembers what is in her heart, remembers when grandma taught her. Some times she touchs me in way I never would have imagine.

At times I feel as if Sandra is very near watching over us.

The verdict

Went to see my bone doc today. He showed me the pictures of my MRI. I saw the tumor and how it is effecting my arm. He said by the looks of it in is not cancer but when it is removed he will sent it off to be tested.

He will cut a window flap into my shoulder and then go in and remove the tumor. Then he will fill the hole with (play doe) artificial bone by making a paste and filling the hold. After all that he will sew my flap back and in 12 or so days they will remove the stiches.

Then I will be able to start using my arm again, gently at first but in about 8 to 12 weeks I shoujld be back to normal. ( that will be different, been long time since anyone called me normal)

He said expect some pain and soreness but if I let it go and just take shots to get rid the pain the tumor will keep growing and in time will break the bone. At that time I would have to have surgery anyway. So I say, lets get it done now so I can play with the grandkids again.

With a 99% chance of it not being cancer I feel better. I now wait for all the arrangments to be made. He wants in down in no more that a week or 10 days.

So now I wait to hear from his office. You know how HMOs work, first it has to be approved. He did make me feel good when he said, I was to young to just let it go. Gee, first normal and then young. What a day. And I didn't have to wait, went in at appointment time and out in less the half an hour.

not again

I guess I have been lamenting about my shoulder for the last couple of weeks. Sorry about that. I started thinking of all the people I have met online and the real problems they are having. Once I did that I see how blessed I really am.

I see some of my friends that have CF or other problems that keep them from being the mothers or daughter they wish they could be. I read of families with kids that have special problems and how their mothers must long to see then just talk and run as other kids do. I have an online friend that went to the hospital for lung problems and came back posting the good news. Then nothing more for many weeks. I worry about her. I pray she is ok and just resting.

So why am I complaining about myself? My family is doing well. My grandkids can run and play and get in trouble. My sons are going forward, maybe not the path I would that they follow but forward just the same.

I live thanks to the gift from a stranger. I had a wife that loved me, more then I deserved. I have known good people. I count you, my friends, in that group.

Thanks for letting me talk about myself. Hope it was not to boring. But I do ask for your prayers again. I hate going to hospitals. My MRIs scare me. But fear comes from not knowing. Tomrrow I should know.

the beat goes on

Well, it is offical. I have a torn rotorer cuff. Doctor said he could give me a shot and the pain would be gone but the problem would still be there. In time my arm would be less and less usefull. Or I could have surgery and he could repair it.

After thinking about it for a couple of seconds I told him that seeing as I didn't know how much longer I would live that I wanted to be able to use both arms. So Friday I am off for an MRI. Then I will have surgery. No date yet, doctor wants to see the picture first so he can decide the best way to go after the problem.

I must say vicadin does help with the pain but I think it makes me a little sleepie. After I take a dose, if I lie down I fall asleep.

But there is good news. I received a note from a long lost contact Star!!! Than helped make my day. I also made contact with an old chat friend from Wisconsin. I believe her chat name was polarpook. All in all, an upswing day.

update on shoulder

Well, I have to go in for a orthopedic surgery Evaluation. Seems that is for a start, I have a bone spur in my shoulder. Have to pick up my Xray and take them to the ortho doctor Monday, the 16. He said he most likely would order an MRI to see if there is a soft tissue problem also.

The one good bit of news was my regular doctor gave me an RX for vicadin.

That does help but I still feel the pain if I forget and try to pick up Sohpie or Lianna. The girls at the grocery store look at me funny when I ask them to carry out my stuff and put it in the van. Last trash day I hear a dog outside and there was a dog trying to get into my trash. I picked up a small stone and threw it at him. You would have had a laughing fit if you saw what happen. The stone flew at least 2 feet! It look like I had thrown a balloon. Even the dog was rolling on the ground laughing at me. And it hurt !

But I am doing better. My spirit are up, food taste good. The grandkids love me. I love them, life will go on. Shoot, I may even keep blogging!

Pain defeats me

Last year I decided to redo my sons room before he came home from BYU for the summer. Down came the ninja turtle curtains, down came the posters on the wall left over from his younger days. Off came the glowing stars from the ceiling, then the puttying of the holes left by many hanging hooks and staples.

Of course then there came the sanding and painting. About this time my shoulder really started to hurt but I had to finish so I kept going. At last I got the room done and thought my shoulder would soon feel better.

Around Christmas time I started to work on the bathroom, Putty up some cracks, again over my head, but when I was done my shoulder hurt as if I had a knife in the joint. After a few days I started to sand but the pain made me stop.

Well, I have been waiting to feel better but it just hurt worse and worse. At last I went to the doctor and you know, it stopped hurting while I was there. When the doctor saw me he held my shoulder and lifted my arm, I jerked back and then he help my shoulder again and lifted my arm forward and once again I felt like bashing him on the nose. So off to Xray he sent me.

I waited for a couple of days before I went in, had to wait for my check to come in. Once I got there they had me lay on the table and twisted my arm around this way and that way. It hurt a little but when I got home I was really in pain. It has been 3 days now and today I had tears in my eyes, it hurt so bad. A friend stopped by and offered me some of her pain meds but I turned her down. Didn't want to get anyone in trouble. But tomorrow I am going to call my doctor for some meds.

I am defeated. It hurts to comb my hair, what l little I have left. Hurts to brush my teeth, just hurts to use it. My friend noticed that I had my shoulder hanging lower then the other shoulder. I just want to lie in bed and sleep. I went looking for any pills that may have been left over from my wife. I now know why they take them away.

Plus today I got the word that the Xrays show something is wrong. They didn't tell me what just that I had to go see another doctor and he/she would explain what was wrong and what they wanted to do.

My doctor told me he thought I had a rotor cuff problem but before he was sure I had to have xrays and if that didn't show anything then I would have an MRI or sonorgraph. Looks like the xray showed something so I guess it is not a soft tissue problem.

But for now, I hurt. Think I'll go check the secret hiding place my wife use to have. Must be some vicadin somewhere.