Life. It is a mystery to me. Some people cling to life beyond my understanding. Others seem to give it up to willingly. What is it about life that some of us want to keep on going and others are finding so hard?
I wish to be able to see my grandkids grow up. Finish high school. Not so high a goal you may say but life is not mine to grant. I am pass my mid sixties. I have no idea how much time I may have left. I find joy in watching Sophie learn little things that most of us have forgotten that we knew.
I was playing with my grandkids and Lianna and I were tossing a ball. Sophie wanted to play so I threw her the ball. She picked it up and tried to throw it back. But she didn't know how to get her hand to open at the right time. The first time she tried she drew back her little arm and flung it forward. The ball didn't fly out. She had not opened her fingers. She knew how to drop things, if fact, she loves to make grandpa pick things up for her. A great game that babies loves to play. But throwing? Why is that ball sticking to my hand? After Lianna and I had a nice laugh we tried to teach her how to open her hand. After a little bit, she could throw. No major leauge pitcher YET. But she knew about opening her hand and she loved it. The ball may not go where she is looking but it goes. She has learned a lesson in life.
I smiled.
At her age, life is not a mystery, it is just what is, que sera, sera. Learn to walk, learn to talk and learn to think. I love watching my grandkids think. I have watched over the cover of a book as they look at things, turn them over and wonder "why?" Lianna knows how to use a screwdriver and other hand tools. Sometimes I wish I had not shown her. but she loves to learn what is inside of things. Once she came in to my den holding a little white box. She announce, "this is the talking box." It had been in one of her talking dolls.
Life, so much fun at times, so hurtfull at other times. This week I heard that a friend of mine had a "mini stoke" while at work. They rushed her to a hospital and they kept her for a few days. She is home now, with orders to rest. This prompted me to start thinking about life. Our bodies are so special, so complex. We have lungs to draw in air, a heart to pump our blood throughout our bodies. Blood brings oxygen and food to our cells, and then carries away waste where our livers and kidneys help us get rid of it and then the lungs release "the bad air" out so they can draw in "good air'. Our brains control this complex system without us even thinking about it. Did it learn this in the womb? Bit by bit, line upon line?
This wonder of God, our life hangs by a thread. My friend had a leak in a blood vessel in the brain. Just a small one, if it was under the sink in the kitchen it would be sometime before we saw it. Be it was in the brain. She tells me, her arm went numb as she watched it but she could not control it. It was such a small leak. She told, mumbled to be honest, her boss to call 911. He did and they rushed her to a hospital. After 3 days she was sent home where we hope, honest again, I hope she recovers with no after effect.
Point of this story, life is what it is. We don't know how long we will be here so lets take time to let each other know what we feel. The worse thing in the world must be to believe that no one in this vast world gaves a damn about you. I know there are people here that like me and care. There are many that I care about. I pray they know, that I have told them. So if I tell you again. smile. And remember God loves you.
So if anyone still reads this blog, I am thinking of many of you, Lisa, Sally, Lammy, Angelheart, Brandi and Kevin (see Brandi, I didn't add the e) Maren. There is KJ as we use to call her.(makes me wish I was a young man), Fred and Wendy, Dewman and Nicole even nienie whom I have never hear from direct but has encourgaed me to keep going. Dawn and Jen over at ourcopd plus all the others over there. Carol and Jamie, to name a couple( the other already have names (LOL). There are other, of course but I didn't make a list. I write on the fly.
Life is short, but it can be great. Life is hard but it does teach. I keep you all in my prayers and thoughts. I hope I am in yours.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Esta la vista, dear friend
A black day in blog land. I read today that the person whose blog I took as a model of what a blog should be is not longer going to blog.
I shall miss reading about her kids, I was there as they grew up, got their license to drive. I was there when one had her accident in the family van. I was there when her son became a deacon in the Church.
I will miss your blog Lammy. I wish you the best and even if I am not there anymore to laugh with you, cry with you, worry with you, I will be thinking of you and your sweet family. Maybe some day you will blog again. If you do, drop me a line. Till then, Vaya con Dios.
I shall miss reading about her kids, I was there as they grew up, got their license to drive. I was there when one had her accident in the family van. I was there when her son became a deacon in the Church.
I will miss your blog Lammy. I wish you the best and even if I am not there anymore to laugh with you, cry with you, worry with you, I will be thinking of you and your sweet family. Maybe some day you will blog again. If you do, drop me a line. Till then, Vaya con Dios.
Friday, July 17, 2009
The Wall
I remember back to my youth, 1961. It was a good summer to be 18 years old. The girls were out of school, my ship was in drydock, and I could go to town often.
Then one day, without warning, the Russians built a wall. At first it was just wire around parts of Berlin. A funny wall, made not to keep things out, but to keep people in. In time the wall grew to be a concrete monster. It had broken glass embedded on top. Soon people found that some building were built right along side the wall. People would go the upper floors and jump out the windows into West Berlin. The Russian than bricked up all the windows. I remember pictures of a woman who had jumped out but as she jumped one of the guards caught her arm. People on the outside, standing in West Berlin, grabbed her legs and a tug of war started. The managed to get her away and she was free.
An ugly thing, the wall. Keeping family apart, sons from parents, sisters from brothers, husbands from wifes. People build many things to get over the wall, balloons, armored cars. Some dug under the wall. Other took the chances and climbed throught the wire and over the wall. Many were shot as we in the west watched. Attacked dogs patrols along the fence, no one was allowed near the wall.
It breaks my heart to see the monster we are building along our southern border. it is an ugly thing. Many feet tall, with a wire fence a few feet from the wall. Dogs in the area between, aircraft and electronic sensors watching at all times. We take pictures of the area in the morning and in the evening. If something is different it meants that someone or something has crossed the strip. A footprint, disturbed grass. We say it was because of 9 11. We say it is to stop drugs. The truth is it is to stop Mexicans.
The only terrorist that ever crossed our borders, that we know about, came in from the north. Across Canada. The others came in on visas. Legal entry and over stayed there visa. Drugs? Do we really believe that a wall will stop drugs from entering the U.S.? With all the money the durg cartel have they will bribe someone to put it in a diplomate pouch and get it here, no problem. They have many ways to get it here, as long as there is a demand, it will get here. Just as whiskey was in the 1920-30.
I agree, we should control our borders but the fence or wall will not work. Make the wall 30 feet hight, someone will make a 35 foot ladder. People yearning to be be free will find a way. People wanting food will find a way. Why do people cross the border? Most to work. Want to stop them? Stop the businesses that are hiring them. Not just a little slap, but a hugh fine and perhaps close them for a set amount of time.
Commit a crime? Do the time or send them back where they came from to serve their time. If they reenter, give them hard time. No parole, no TV, no AC.
But please, let's be honest about why we are building the wall. We don't want them here. Even if we had a treaty, the treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. Signed at the end of the Mexican American war. We got the western half of what is how our country and in return we agree to let those Mexican that lived in what had been Mexico become citizen of the U.S. And they would have the right to cross the border at will to be with or vist their families. People still in Mexico would have the right to cross into the U.S. and visit or stay with family that were on our side of the border. Somewhere along the way someone canceled that part of the treat.
But I hate the wall because it reminds me of the Berlin Wall. It is ugly, it divides the land. It cost to much and people lost their land so the wall could be built. It saddens my heart when I see it. I am ashamed of it. It makes us prisoners in our own country. When it doesn't work and people keep crossing are we going to post solders with orders to kill? A young sheppard boy was shot and killed while tending his family's sheep. Because a marine though he was crossing the border. He had been carrying an old single shot 22 rifle to ward off coyotes. But he is just as dead as if he had been crossing with out a visa.
Remove the reason for them to cross (jobs) and they will stop. But please, Mr. Obama, tear down that wall.
Then one day, without warning, the Russians built a wall. At first it was just wire around parts of Berlin. A funny wall, made not to keep things out, but to keep people in. In time the wall grew to be a concrete monster. It had broken glass embedded on top. Soon people found that some building were built right along side the wall. People would go the upper floors and jump out the windows into West Berlin. The Russian than bricked up all the windows. I remember pictures of a woman who had jumped out but as she jumped one of the guards caught her arm. People on the outside, standing in West Berlin, grabbed her legs and a tug of war started. The managed to get her away and she was free.
An ugly thing, the wall. Keeping family apart, sons from parents, sisters from brothers, husbands from wifes. People build many things to get over the wall, balloons, armored cars. Some dug under the wall. Other took the chances and climbed throught the wire and over the wall. Many were shot as we in the west watched. Attacked dogs patrols along the fence, no one was allowed near the wall.
It breaks my heart to see the monster we are building along our southern border. it is an ugly thing. Many feet tall, with a wire fence a few feet from the wall. Dogs in the area between, aircraft and electronic sensors watching at all times. We take pictures of the area in the morning and in the evening. If something is different it meants that someone or something has crossed the strip. A footprint, disturbed grass. We say it was because of 9 11. We say it is to stop drugs. The truth is it is to stop Mexicans.
The only terrorist that ever crossed our borders, that we know about, came in from the north. Across Canada. The others came in on visas. Legal entry and over stayed there visa. Drugs? Do we really believe that a wall will stop drugs from entering the U.S.? With all the money the durg cartel have they will bribe someone to put it in a diplomate pouch and get it here, no problem. They have many ways to get it here, as long as there is a demand, it will get here. Just as whiskey was in the 1920-30.
I agree, we should control our borders but the fence or wall will not work. Make the wall 30 feet hight, someone will make a 35 foot ladder. People yearning to be be free will find a way. People wanting food will find a way. Why do people cross the border? Most to work. Want to stop them? Stop the businesses that are hiring them. Not just a little slap, but a hugh fine and perhaps close them for a set amount of time.
Commit a crime? Do the time or send them back where they came from to serve their time. If they reenter, give them hard time. No parole, no TV, no AC.
But please, let's be honest about why we are building the wall. We don't want them here. Even if we had a treaty, the treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. Signed at the end of the Mexican American war. We got the western half of what is how our country and in return we agree to let those Mexican that lived in what had been Mexico become citizen of the U.S. And they would have the right to cross the border at will to be with or vist their families. People still in Mexico would have the right to cross into the U.S. and visit or stay with family that were on our side of the border. Somewhere along the way someone canceled that part of the treat.
But I hate the wall because it reminds me of the Berlin Wall. It is ugly, it divides the land. It cost to much and people lost their land so the wall could be built. It saddens my heart when I see it. I am ashamed of it. It makes us prisoners in our own country. When it doesn't work and people keep crossing are we going to post solders with orders to kill? A young sheppard boy was shot and killed while tending his family's sheep. Because a marine though he was crossing the border. He had been carrying an old single shot 22 rifle to ward off coyotes. But he is just as dead as if he had been crossing with out a visa.
Remove the reason for them to cross (jobs) and they will stop. But please, Mr. Obama, tear down that wall.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I;m back!
Where does the time go? It was been some time since I updated my blog. I keep meaning to do so but life gets in the way. Hard to believe that Lianna has finish PreK and is ready for Kinder. I recall her first day, Halloween parade, her first Christmas play and her PreK graduation. It seems as if it was all done in one week.
Sophie is one year old! No way! I see her walking and when her dad comes to get her for bedtime. She runs to me, she doesn't want to go to bed. I try very hard not to laugh.
Robert has started working at USAA and is learning that money doesn't go as far as one expects. He is so glad that he was able to land a position at USAA. In his home town, close to Mexico so he can visit his love on weekends. He was in Mexico during the 3 day July 4th weekend.
I would post my passport picture but the bright light does nothing for me. Maybe after I work on it. Add some hair, touch up my face. no, I'll just not post it.
I have been keeping up with my friends blogs. My friend's LisaM blog is full of great news the last few posting. I am so happy for her and her family. It makes me glad to know such good people.
My friend Maren, what a great story she has to tell. From being home bound last spring and then after many years she is able to find a doctor that worked with her and got her into rehab. Now she is working in the garden, driving and having fun with her son. She is finding joy in picking up after her husband, Jeff, and son. Way to go Maren.
Maren introducted me to a bloger named Nienie. That is a very inspiring story. she was in a private airplane crash. Burned but lived. To this day she fight to regain her life. Having visited a burn ward to administer to someone, I know how hard she must of fought. I have no way of letting her how much she has motivited me to keep trying. Makes me ashame of my bellyaching over my "minor" pain of my rehab. I pray for her often. She posted that she doesn't look as she did before but I can see her true beauty shining. I am sure her husband and family see it too.
My friend Lammy. When I started blogging I wanted to be like her. Tell it like it is. Share my thoughts and feeling honestly. Take it or leave it, this is how I see it. Thanks Lammy, I miss it when you take time off from posting.
Brandi's blog reminds me of when I first became a father. Enjoy it Brandi and Kevin. It will warm your heart in later years.
I will try to keep this blog up to date but from time to time I know life will get in the way. I know that somedays I just don't feel like writing. Makes me think of Wendy, another blogger that is also a writer. I would hate to write a book and then have to rewrite the begining. But it must be harder to put up with her husband Fred. AKA busdriver Fred.
I was going to write about other things when I sat down but I followed my feelings and did this instead. Look for more real soon
Sophie is one year old! No way! I see her walking and when her dad comes to get her for bedtime. She runs to me, she doesn't want to go to bed. I try very hard not to laugh.
Robert has started working at USAA and is learning that money doesn't go as far as one expects. He is so glad that he was able to land a position at USAA. In his home town, close to Mexico so he can visit his love on weekends. He was in Mexico during the 3 day July 4th weekend.
I would post my passport picture but the bright light does nothing for me. Maybe after I work on it. Add some hair, touch up my face. no, I'll just not post it.
I have been keeping up with my friends blogs. My friend's LisaM blog is full of great news the last few posting. I am so happy for her and her family. It makes me glad to know such good people.
My friend Maren, what a great story she has to tell. From being home bound last spring and then after many years she is able to find a doctor that worked with her and got her into rehab. Now she is working in the garden, driving and having fun with her son. She is finding joy in picking up after her husband, Jeff, and son. Way to go Maren.
Maren introducted me to a bloger named Nienie. That is a very inspiring story. she was in a private airplane crash. Burned but lived. To this day she fight to regain her life. Having visited a burn ward to administer to someone, I know how hard she must of fought. I have no way of letting her how much she has motivited me to keep trying. Makes me ashame of my bellyaching over my "minor" pain of my rehab. I pray for her often. She posted that she doesn't look as she did before but I can see her true beauty shining. I am sure her husband and family see it too.
My friend Lammy. When I started blogging I wanted to be like her. Tell it like it is. Share my thoughts and feeling honestly. Take it or leave it, this is how I see it. Thanks Lammy, I miss it when you take time off from posting.
Brandi's blog reminds me of when I first became a father. Enjoy it Brandi and Kevin. It will warm your heart in later years.
I will try to keep this blog up to date but from time to time I know life will get in the way. I know that somedays I just don't feel like writing. Makes me think of Wendy, another blogger that is also a writer. I would hate to write a book and then have to rewrite the begining. But it must be harder to put up with her husband Fred. AKA busdriver Fred.
I was going to write about other things when I sat down but I followed my feelings and did this instead. Look for more real soon
Sunday, May 24, 2009
happy
It has been a warm week in south Texas. Lianna got a new water slide and so their dad set it up in the front yard the other day. They sure enjoyed it. I was surprised how Sophie took to the water spray. She seems to love it. Lianna has always loved playing in the water. Only a few more days of school left and next Aug. Lianna moves into Kindergarden instead of PreK. I must say she learned a lot in PreK and it has changed her a little. Not always for the good but learning just the same. Am surprised by how much they do teach in PreK. She can read just a little and colors better then I ever did.
Sophie took her first unaided steps today. She was watching a bunch of kids danceing and swaying to music on some kids show and she started to sway and move up and down with them. When the music ended she started walking away. I was so surprised as she had only taked a few steps from table to chair and things like that. But then she remembered "Hey, I can't walk." and sat down. I think she will be walking before the end of the day. Some days it's great to be a grandpa!
Didn't go to church today. Woke up very early, took my shower, shaved but my shoulder was aching very bad. I took an ice pac and went back to bed. When it was time to get up and leave I was still hurting to much and didn't want to drive in traffic with just one arm. So I stayed home. I really expected this shoulder thing to be over by now. I start rehab in one week. So I guess the doctor expected it to last for awhile. Two weeks ago he told me to rest my arm and then go to rehab. Guess I have been doing to much. I did remove the wheelchair ramp from the front door, chopped down some catcus that were encrouching on my driveway and felt good afterwards. But not now.
So went my week. Renewed contact with some old online friends, always glad to know they remember me. All in all, it was a good week to be me.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
good bye Utah
The weather in Utah had been great till the night before we left. That Friday it started to rain and the wind came up. Robert started to pack his car for the trip home while I stayed indoors. I could not run up the down the stairs as he did. Soon all that could be pack was packed and we settled in for the night.
Sat. morning, wind still blowing, raining off and on. We took the last of our stuff down and we went to the BYU book store to buy some BYU shirts and caps. We parked and went in where my son once again led me to the stairs. What is it with young people? Anyway, I huffed and I puffed my way up and just was we hit the the top step the fire alarm went off. This disenbodied voice kept saying. "a fire has been reported, everyone please leave the building, do not use the elavators." Well, easier going down stairs then up. Out we went under the overhang while the workers looked for people in the building. After about half an hour, they declared "all clear" and back in we went. Up to the second floor, on the eleavator this time only to find the place close till 10 AM. We didn't want to wait so we said to each other, "Let's go home". Good bye Wilkie.
Off we went to the store, got twinkes, chips, pepsi and other stuff. We hit the road and headed south. I had never been to Moab, UT. I was very glad I was not driving as I was able to look around at all the rocks. We passed by a National park, Arches, I believe it was called. I remember seeing the rock formations in old western movies. What a sight! I loved it!
After some time we crossed into New Mexico and I was in my first dust storm. I saw signs on the side of the road telling people "Do Not Stop on Roadway". We slowed down to about 10-15 miles per hour, just fast enough to keep the tail lights of the car in front in view. At the same time we kept the white line along side the road in view. We were in this mess for about an hour. At time it was clear and we could speed up but we could see that it was still blowing ahead of us. When the sand hit the car it sounded as if someone was throwing gravel at the car. But in time we were able to leave it behind. After stopping for a bite to eat we headed south again.
Soon it became dark and I took over the driving. I drove from Albuquerque, NM to El Paso Texas and then for 200 more miles into Texas. About 100 miles into Texas we were pulled over by INS and I was asked if I was a citizens of the US, where was I going and why. I was tempted to answer in Spanish but thought better of it as I wanted to get home and it was about 3 in the morning and I didn't think they were in the mood for humor.
As the light started coming up, where we could see trees and clouds Robert was ready to drive again. So we pulled into a gas station and gassed up and changed driver. I fell asleep once we were on the road and when I woke up we were in San Antonio, Texas. Home at last. We pulled into our driveway and 9:30 AM. we had made the trip in just over 23 hours.
We had a good time on our trip, we talked, laughed, talked about what Robert's new life would be like now that he is entering the real world. He heard stories from me that he had never heard before. He told me stuff he had not shared before, such as how hard he had to work the last 2 years to get his degree. He loved it at the Y but he is ready to enter the world. He now will work on getting is GF into the states and then get married. We both were disappointed that the United States turned down her visa to come and visit the states.
So ended my 3er trip to Utah. I love the see the mountains, don't like to clime them. I can't move there because I couldn't find "good" Mexican food there. I love the people, I met most of the ones I know by meeting them online and then meeting them in person on my trip before this one. I shall always remember how they greeted me, made me feel special, gave me a book and in general a warm fuzzy feeling. I love you guys.
Hope to meet again soon.
Sat. morning, wind still blowing, raining off and on. We took the last of our stuff down and we went to the BYU book store to buy some BYU shirts and caps. We parked and went in where my son once again led me to the stairs. What is it with young people? Anyway, I huffed and I puffed my way up and just was we hit the the top step the fire alarm went off. This disenbodied voice kept saying. "a fire has been reported, everyone please leave the building, do not use the elavators." Well, easier going down stairs then up. Out we went under the overhang while the workers looked for people in the building. After about half an hour, they declared "all clear" and back in we went. Up to the second floor, on the eleavator this time only to find the place close till 10 AM. We didn't want to wait so we said to each other, "Let's go home". Good bye Wilkie.
Off we went to the store, got twinkes, chips, pepsi and other stuff. We hit the road and headed south. I had never been to Moab, UT. I was very glad I was not driving as I was able to look around at all the rocks. We passed by a National park, Arches, I believe it was called. I remember seeing the rock formations in old western movies. What a sight! I loved it!
After some time we crossed into New Mexico and I was in my first dust storm. I saw signs on the side of the road telling people "Do Not Stop on Roadway". We slowed down to about 10-15 miles per hour, just fast enough to keep the tail lights of the car in front in view. At the same time we kept the white line along side the road in view. We were in this mess for about an hour. At time it was clear and we could speed up but we could see that it was still blowing ahead of us. When the sand hit the car it sounded as if someone was throwing gravel at the car. But in time we were able to leave it behind. After stopping for a bite to eat we headed south again.
Soon it became dark and I took over the driving. I drove from Albuquerque, NM to El Paso Texas and then for 200 more miles into Texas. About 100 miles into Texas we were pulled over by INS and I was asked if I was a citizens of the US, where was I going and why. I was tempted to answer in Spanish but thought better of it as I wanted to get home and it was about 3 in the morning and I didn't think they were in the mood for humor.
As the light started coming up, where we could see trees and clouds Robert was ready to drive again. So we pulled into a gas station and gassed up and changed driver. I fell asleep once we were on the road and when I woke up we were in San Antonio, Texas. Home at last. We pulled into our driveway and 9:30 AM. we had made the trip in just over 23 hours.
We had a good time on our trip, we talked, laughed, talked about what Robert's new life would be like now that he is entering the real world. He heard stories from me that he had never heard before. He told me stuff he had not shared before, such as how hard he had to work the last 2 years to get his degree. He loved it at the Y but he is ready to enter the world. He now will work on getting is GF into the states and then get married. We both were disappointed that the United States turned down her visa to come and visit the states.
So ended my 3er trip to Utah. I love the see the mountains, don't like to clime them. I can't move there because I couldn't find "good" Mexican food there. I love the people, I met most of the ones I know by meeting them online and then meeting them in person on my trip before this one. I shall always remember how they greeted me, made me feel special, gave me a book and in general a warm fuzzy feeling. I love you guys.
Hope to meet again soon.
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