I had been feeling a little down the last few days. It was about this time last year that my dear wife started the long slide to eternity. She spent 20 days in the hospital in May and then came home for a couple of months only to return for 7 days in Aug of last year.
Sandra had told me not to call EMS but when she quit responding in May I called and when she woke up in the hospital after a couple of weeks and after they removed the vent from her she looked at me and asked "Why am I here?" she reminded me of her wishes to die at home and not in a hospital with strangers around her and hooked up to machines.
Then in Aug. when she got ill again I asked do you want me to call EMS and she said "OK". Well, after a few days she asked to doctor to send her home and he agreed saying that she was using the last of her lungs, she had no more reserve and that there was nothing they could do other then medication to ease the passing.
So I picked her up and put her in the van and brought her home. She was very weak but had days when she felt almost normal. Once again she reminded me "no hsopital" but I told her I had asked last time and she had said yes. She told me I am telling you now, while I can still think, "Please, don't do that to me again. I hurt, I am not going to get better. So just let me go." So I said I would do that and I did.
So now as the time of the year rolls around where last year I took care of a very ill and dying wife I became rather depressed. Can't sleep, tired and wishing I would "go home" too. So I was picking up things and a book fell out of the shelf. It was "Go toward the light" by Chris Oyler. Yes, it was about dying. A young boy was dying and the stories the mom tells about her life during that time sounded like what I had been going through. The young lad kept telling his mom not to be sad. Then there was a part when the boys younger brother saw a ghost in his room and it told him, "I don't have to hurt anymore. I am going home tomorrow". And so he did.
After Sandra passed away I remember laying in bed feeling very lost and sad when I hear "Lee, I am ok. I don't hurt and I can breath". She told me she had other things to do but had to be with me till I understood that she was in a good place and not in pain anymore. So I told her I understood and I felt her withdraw from my presentes.
Well, a year later I am feeling sad, depressed and lost again and I believe that she pushed the book off the shelf for me to find. I think I remember her telling me I should read it but I never did. I guess it was time I did. Well, it is a very good book and lets me know that I am not the only one that has gone down this path before. I am still sad, I still miss her, but I know she is well.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
What Happened?
What happened to the days when kids could go to the school to play and pass the time of day?
I remember when I was a kid I could go play in the school yard. There were swings and slides and hanging rings and a swinging bar. There were a number of see-saw and sand boxs. The water fountains were left running so anyone could get a drink. And if I wanted to ride a bus to town I could cut through the school yard and save myself a 3 block walk to the bus stop.
One school was a three story building and there was a slide fire escape on it. During the summer we would clime up the slide and then slide down. We use to put wax paper under out seats and after a few kids had done that the slide was super fast, but lots harder to clime up. We had to grab the edges to clime up. I remember there was a flat spot at every floor where in case of fire during school the kids of that floor could enter the slide. It was almost like a waterslide at water parks. High sides to keep one from falling off.
Now there are fences around the schools yards, the playground stuff has been removed and no one is allowed on the grounds after school or when there is no school. Each school distrist has it's own police farce. When my kids were in middle school one of my sons and a friend went to the school ground to play after dark. They put on there camo battle dress and were running around the building playing war. Well, the police from the school made a pass and saw 2 kids on the grounds and called the city police and backup from the school. Soon there were police cars all over the place. There was even a police man at my door asked where my son was. I asked why he wanted to know and he said they were looking for him. Seems his friend didn't run fast enough and was caught. He told them who he had been with and where he lived. Well, I got into my car and went to the school to see what was going on. By this time they had him in the back of a car and the police told me he was going to be taken down to juvie and that I would get a call later to come pick him up.
Around midnight I received the call and went to pick up my son. When they got him and give him to me he said "dad, I wasn't doing anything wrong." I told him, "don't say anything here, keep you mouth shut". To tell the truth I was angry. When we go in the car I asked what happen and he said they were playing and a police car came around the corner and the cop came out and told them to drop down. They ran off but the one kid got caught. They had just been doing what I had done years before, at the same school. But now it is a "no no".
In time we had to go to court. Our lawyer was a good one. First thing she said, " I don't like this judge, let me go see the court clerk." She got a different judge for my son. She told us the first judge is a person that has to run for re-election. The other is a state judge who was appointed and doesn't have to stand for re-election.
Then when the judge asked why are we here today she asked for a dismissile. The DA man said no. Judge read the papers and asked the DA person whey are we wasteing our time here, nothing was broken, nothing is missing. The DA said because it is policy to charge anyone on the school ground after hours with trespassing. So the judge asked "we are here because the DA wants to appear tough? The DA man's said, it is policy. The judge asked who I was and I told him. I told him I had a briefcase full of awards for my son and letters from his ROTC commander. He said I don't have to see that, I can tell by the fact that he is here with his parents he is a good kid. Most of the time the parents don't show up but you both are here. He looks like a fine boy to me. However, he did break a law. So I am going to give him a few hours of community service.( he did them at the bishop storehouse). End of story
But I still wonder what happen? When I was a kid and not many people had TVS the local TV store would leave his door open and he had a TV set up in a room and benchs for people to sit on. We could walk there(sometimes cutting across the school yard) and watch TV. Now the owner says if I leave the door open now my store would be empty in the morning. What Happen?
I remember when I was a kid I could go play in the school yard. There were swings and slides and hanging rings and a swinging bar. There were a number of see-saw and sand boxs. The water fountains were left running so anyone could get a drink. And if I wanted to ride a bus to town I could cut through the school yard and save myself a 3 block walk to the bus stop.
One school was a three story building and there was a slide fire escape on it. During the summer we would clime up the slide and then slide down. We use to put wax paper under out seats and after a few kids had done that the slide was super fast, but lots harder to clime up. We had to grab the edges to clime up. I remember there was a flat spot at every floor where in case of fire during school the kids of that floor could enter the slide. It was almost like a waterslide at water parks. High sides to keep one from falling off.
Now there are fences around the schools yards, the playground stuff has been removed and no one is allowed on the grounds after school or when there is no school. Each school distrist has it's own police farce. When my kids were in middle school one of my sons and a friend went to the school ground to play after dark. They put on there camo battle dress and were running around the building playing war. Well, the police from the school made a pass and saw 2 kids on the grounds and called the city police and backup from the school. Soon there were police cars all over the place. There was even a police man at my door asked where my son was. I asked why he wanted to know and he said they were looking for him. Seems his friend didn't run fast enough and was caught. He told them who he had been with and where he lived. Well, I got into my car and went to the school to see what was going on. By this time they had him in the back of a car and the police told me he was going to be taken down to juvie and that I would get a call later to come pick him up.
Around midnight I received the call and went to pick up my son. When they got him and give him to me he said "dad, I wasn't doing anything wrong." I told him, "don't say anything here, keep you mouth shut". To tell the truth I was angry. When we go in the car I asked what happen and he said they were playing and a police car came around the corner and the cop came out and told them to drop down. They ran off but the one kid got caught. They had just been doing what I had done years before, at the same school. But now it is a "no no".
In time we had to go to court. Our lawyer was a good one. First thing she said, " I don't like this judge, let me go see the court clerk." She got a different judge for my son. She told us the first judge is a person that has to run for re-election. The other is a state judge who was appointed and doesn't have to stand for re-election.
Then when the judge asked why are we here today she asked for a dismissile. The DA man said no. Judge read the papers and asked the DA person whey are we wasteing our time here, nothing was broken, nothing is missing. The DA said because it is policy to charge anyone on the school ground after hours with trespassing. So the judge asked "we are here because the DA wants to appear tough? The DA man's said, it is policy. The judge asked who I was and I told him. I told him I had a briefcase full of awards for my son and letters from his ROTC commander. He said I don't have to see that, I can tell by the fact that he is here with his parents he is a good kid. Most of the time the parents don't show up but you both are here. He looks like a fine boy to me. However, he did break a law. So I am going to give him a few hours of community service.( he did them at the bishop storehouse). End of story
But I still wonder what happen? When I was a kid and not many people had TVS the local TV store would leave his door open and he had a TV set up in a room and benchs for people to sit on. We could walk there(sometimes cutting across the school yard) and watch TV. Now the owner says if I leave the door open now my store would be empty in the morning. What Happen?
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