I remember the Reeve's family

I was reading the blogs of fellow transplanted friends. One of my friend had a lung transplant and the other had both lungs transplanted. Reading them brings back many memories..

I remember throwing up blood and the doctor not letting me drive to the hospital. My heart was racing and my blood pressure was very low. We were talking about how I had driven to his office and how he would not let me leave on my own. I called a friend to come and take me to the hospital. The doctor was about to call an ambulance to come get me when my friend walked in to take me. I told him he saved my life and for the first time he told me it was luck. He thought I was going to die.

I remembered talking to my donor family on TV. Back then it was news when one met the donor family. They wrote the hospital where the organs were harvested and they sent the letter to the hospital that did the transplant. Then I wrote to them, sending the letter to my hospital and they send it to the other hospital who then sent it to the family. We were not allow to give out our name or address. They had wanted to meet and I said okay. So the hospital got together, picked a date, called the TV stations and I drove the 72 miles to the hospital in Austin to meet them. First we had to be together in front of the cameras. I tried to lead the discussion to talk about the donor family. I remember tell them ( heck, I got the video of it) that they were the heros. I could not help getting sick, I had no choice. They had a choice and choose to give life.

After the camera left and we were allowed to just talk among ourself the mom told me how hard it was when they asked her about being a donor. The hardest part was being asked, organ by organ and having to sign for each one. Would you donate the kidneys, yes, sign here, will you donate the heart? Yes, sign here. Would you donate the liver? yes, sign here. When it came to the eyes she said no, told me she just could not give the eyes that she had looked into.

I told her that of all the people I knew on the transplant list, not one of us wanted anyone to die so we could get an organ. I never prayed that I would receive one because I knew someone would have died. I tried not to be afraid and I don't believe I was. On the day I got the call, I had gone to where I use to work to say good bye to a few special friends. I knew my time was running out, I had all the signs that I had been told about. While there, my pager went off and I called in. I remember the words I heard, "get your yellow fanny up here, we believe we have a donor." I told the girl I was talking with at the time to spread the word and I started home. I could not go without my wife. That was almost 13 years ago. The date was Feb 14, 1997. My donor died Valentine Days, Feb.14, 1997. He left a wife and 2 kids, one boy, age 18, one girl age 21. His wife was in her 40s. They had been high schools sweethearts.

Today, Christmas season, I think of the gifts. The Son from our Father in Heaven and my liver, from a person I never knew. I recall the TV reporter that asked the wife, "how do you feel sitting next to the man who has your husband's liver?". She answered, "it is not my husbands liver, it is Lee's, to live with as he wants to." A great answer.

To my transplant friends, give thanks to people who shard there love ones with us. Every now and then, think about them and say a prayer for them. Without them, where would we be?

Birthday

Oh Boy! Mom is here with my cake and stuff and my teacher put a crown on my head! It is my day! I am 6 years old now.
















Lianna, at her desk with frosting on her lip. Kindergarden is fun! Next year she will shall be in First Grade. That will be a jump for her.









This is the cake Lianna had in class. It is a bunch of cupcakes covered in frosting. That is a lot of frosting. There were enough cupcakes for everyone in class and some left over for grandpa at home. And the care bears went home with her too. Next up, Christmas!!!

the parade pictures

There's mom!
Sophie joins Lianna under the covered area


















Lianna, sitting under the covered area waiting for rest of parade to join them.















Lianna, coming into the covered area where her mom was waiting.

the big parade

Today was the annual school Halloween parade. As last year, I went this year too. I missed all of the parades when my boys were in school. Had to work and Sandra had all the fun.

I really enjoyed this years parade. It was shorter as they didn't have the contest and other stuff. That will be held this evening and they will show free movies in the covered area.

I enjoyed, most of all, the kids and before that waiting with Sophie. I got there early for the 9:30 parade only to be told it was postpond to 10:15. Should I wait or go home and come back. I live about 8 blocks from the school but I waited anyway. Sophie had a great time, I let her run in the play area and I saw many smiles as I chased after her. Only once did she make a dash for the parking lot. I didn't know I could still move as fast as I did.

At last, time for the parade. I went to where the kid left the school grounds and around the block to the parking lot. After taking a couple of pictures I ran to the parking lot to get a couple of more pictures of Lianna. It was good to see all the classes taking part. The first class was the special needs class. They didn't know anything about that, they were just happy to be there. I waved and they smiled and waved back. So I started calling out the characters I knew and boy did they smile! Hello Spiderman, Hi princess, Hello etc. Then I looked up and the class behind them was waving at me. So I stayed there till Lianna passed by and I almost missed her. In fact, I didn't get a picture there.

So off to the end of the route I went. Lots of parents there. Looked for Sophie and her mom and found them. Asked Stephie if she had gotten any pictures and she said "Not really, had to hold Sophie". So I held Sophie and told her to get take some pictures. The I decided to take Sophie to where Lianna was sitting and let her see her big sister. Sophie was thrilled and I put her down and she went and sat with her sister and all the other big kids. Big smiles on Lianna and Sophie. Stephie took some pictures. Hope to have them soon. Will post them when I get them.

Sophie didn't want to leave her sister but we had to leave as it was time for the kids to go back to school for what ever they had to do.

My pictures didn't turn out to good. My batteries were to weak to allow me rapid picture taking and I miss lots of good shots. The picture posted at the top is of Lianna coming out of the school grounds and heading for the sidewalk. The street was blocked for work they were doing. She is the Fairy Princess.

My thoughts back to the parade, good time for me and Lianna and Sophie. The cool weather and early hour was forgotten as I saw the smiles on the face of Lianna and the other kids. I think I will try to hang around for Sophie's parades! Teachers dressed as witchs and gobblens and WOW, a can can dancer!!! Moms looking at their kids with pride written all over they face. Only a few dads. Guess that's why grandpas go to school activites. Happy kids. Hope I don't hear the songs, monster mash, Adam's family and Thiller for a long time. Smiles, smiles and more smiles.

A warm feeling as I left, Sophie looked tired. Stephie feeling good.

Thanks God, I needed this.

Please listen America

Once up on a time, I was a softhearted person. I recall when South Vietnam fell to the North there went out an appeal for people here to take in members of the Vietnam armed forces into their homes and help them get a new start. They had been stationed here in San Antonio going to school to learn the way of the United States military. They could not go home. My wife and I said we would take in one and soon there was a Vietnamies in our home.

Sandra had painted the walls in the room as if it were part of a villiage in Vietnam. We though he would like that. However, this guy was strange, first he asked if we were going to offer him a job or help with funds. We told him, we were offering a place to sleep, food to eat and a place to call home. Well for 2 days he was on the phone and then left and didn't come back. But we had a hugh phone bill for calls all over the U.S. It seems he was looking for other friends, guess he found one and left to go with them. So much for helping. We did get a certificate saying thanks from a certain charity.

A year later my employer hired a young man from Vietnam. I talked to him and tried to be a friend. Then soon it was Tet. They were having a big party and the "certain charity" sent me an invite to a celabration to be held at a big church building. I told the young man about it and he said that he knew about it and was going. He asked me to go as his guest. So I did.

I knew I was not welcomed as soon as I got there. First a group of young vietnam guys stood to block the way but my friend told them I was his guest. So in I went. He took me to a table and sat me down next to some people. You should have heard the chatter that started. I could not understand what they were saying but I knew. I received looks that told me I should not have sat there. So my friend took me to a different table where his mom came sat wth me. I listen to some music and was looking around when his mom placed a plate in front of me. Told me it was special Tet treat. I saw everyone was enjoying it and I started to eat mine. Took one bite and tried to find a way to dispose of it without anyone seeing.

The mom leaned over and said, "you don't like it?". I answered no so she said that's ok and went and got me a piece of ham on a plate.

Then it was show time, lights dimmed, music started. Someone was talking but I had no idea what was being said. Then something happened that really ticked me off. A person dressed as a vietcon came in carrying a vietcong flag. Everyone stood up and cheered. Then more people came in wearing black PJ with coolie hats and wearing sandles make of old tires, (vietcong uniform) and carrying rifles and things made to look like RPG. That was enough for me. I got up and walked out wondering if I would make it back to my car. As I left they were waving vietcon flags and singing songs I never heard or understood. No one was outside so I made it to my car and left.

I know that I will not take anyone into my home again. Nor will I go to parties held by refuge groups. We should have learned that if someone will not fight for their own country, expecting others to fight for them, it will fail.

Now as an older man I see Afgans more concerned about power then about freedom. Iraq people fight over who will rule there instead of working together to built a free country. Well, let them fight it out themselfs. Enough American blood as been spent. I recall the words of President Johnson, something like "I will not send American boys to do a job Asian boy should be doing." He forgot his own words. I hope we will remember them

grandkids

It's kind of strange, last night I was wishing that Lianna would leave me alone so I could play on my computer. Sophie kept wanting to be in my lap, typing with her feet. Then tonight, Lianna is at her cousins and Sophie is out with her mom to visit the other side of the family. And I miss them.

Much to quite, I keep wondering what they are getting into now. My sons are home, each in their own world safe in their rooms, using their computers. I can't find any online friends online at this time.

Sophie is growing so fast. I can't believe how she loves to play games with me. It is so much fun, sometimes she pretends she picked something off the floor and puts it in her mouth. I go get it out and she didn't have anything and then she laughs at me. Not bad for a one year old.

Lianna is getting ready to return to school, and she always wants me to play school with her. She lines up all her dolls and I suppose to have roll call and give a lesson. Everyone one of them has a name. From Lickly Lickly Lala to Married man. Better get the names right too.

I miss them, I hope I never forget that and say something dumb like "leave me alone"

What the....?

I don't recall the date other then it was 1961. It was either sometime around the Bay of Pigs invasion or in the fall of the same year.. Tenisons were at a high level with Cuba. We had been in the area around Cuba for some weeks, training and conducting war games.

One day, as we sailed around close to some island, the general alarm went off. Bong, bong, bong. No words just the alarm. It was the first time I had heard the alarm without the words, "Now hear this, this is a drill, this is a drill. All hands man your battle stations". then the alarm, Bong bong bong, would keep going till someone in charge turn it off.

In shock, I ran forward to my battle station, high in the upper deck, to man my Target Designator Transmitter, or TDT. As I ran forward I couldn't help but noticed that our guns were swinging out as I ran forward and up. I could see, in my mind, our missile lanchers receiving their missiles and swing to face the targets. Hatchets were being slamed shut, dogged (locked). Sailors putting on helmets and life jackets. Lookouts scaning the sky.

I felt a strange kind of pride. We were doing everything just as we had done during our countless drills. But this time, live ammo was being loaded into the breechs. Just as I pluged in my headset the captain came on the 1MC. He told us it was a mistake, someone had pushed the alarm button. He told us he had been getting a hair cut when it went off and that he was still wearing a sheet around his neck. The alarm was canceled and we went back to normal duties.

Later we found out a new crewmember had been polishing the brass in aftercon. After control is where the ship can be controled if the bridge gets wiped out. Anyway, wanting to do a good job he pushed the lever covering the brass plate out is his way and that lever was the general alarm. I bet his officer got chew out and I bet he chewed out he person in charge of the new guy.

But what I saw and felt confirmed to me that "we" were ready. If Castro came at us we would respone. No Pearl Harbor for the USS Canberra. We were a team, trained, and ready to respone. No panic, no wondering what to do. We would fight as we had trained.

Sleep well America, our armed forces are trained and ready.

Life

Life. It is a mystery to me. Some people cling to life beyond my understanding. Others seem to give it up to willingly. What is it about life that some of us want to keep on going and others are finding so hard?

I wish to be able to see my grandkids grow up. Finish high school. Not so high a goal you may say but life is not mine to grant. I am pass my mid sixties. I have no idea how much time I may have left. I find joy in watching Sophie learn little things that most of us have forgotten that we knew.

I was playing with my grandkids and Lianna and I were tossing a ball. Sophie wanted to play so I threw her the ball. She picked it up and tried to throw it back. But she didn't know how to get her hand to open at the right time. The first time she tried she drew back her little arm and flung it forward. The ball didn't fly out. She had not opened her fingers. She knew how to drop things, if fact, she loves to make grandpa pick things up for her. A great game that babies loves to play. But throwing? Why is that ball sticking to my hand? After Lianna and I had a nice laugh we tried to teach her how to open her hand. After a little bit, she could throw. No major leauge pitcher YET. But she knew about opening her hand and she loved it. The ball may not go where she is looking but it goes. She has learned a lesson in life.

I smiled.

At her age, life is not a mystery, it is just what is, que sera, sera. Learn to walk, learn to talk and learn to think. I love watching my grandkids think. I have watched over the cover of a book as they look at things, turn them over and wonder "why?" Lianna knows how to use a screwdriver and other hand tools. Sometimes I wish I had not shown her. but she loves to learn what is inside of things. Once she came in to my den holding a little white box. She announce, "this is the talking box." It had been in one of her talking dolls.

Life, so much fun at times, so hurtfull at other times. This week I heard that a friend of mine had a "mini stoke" while at work. They rushed her to a hospital and they kept her for a few days. She is home now, with orders to rest. This prompted me to start thinking about life. Our bodies are so special, so complex. We have lungs to draw in air, a heart to pump our blood throughout our bodies. Blood brings oxygen and food to our cells, and then carries away waste where our livers and kidneys help us get rid of it and then the lungs release "the bad air" out so they can draw in "good air'. Our brains control this complex system without us even thinking about it. Did it learn this in the womb? Bit by bit, line upon line?

This wonder of God, our life hangs by a thread. My friend had a leak in a blood vessel in the brain. Just a small one, if it was under the sink in the kitchen it would be sometime before we saw it. Be it was in the brain. She tells me, her arm went numb as she watched it but she could not control it. It was such a small leak. She told, mumbled to be honest, her boss to call 911. He did and they rushed her to a hospital. After 3 days she was sent home where we hope, honest again, I hope she recovers with no after effect.

Point of this story, life is what it is. We don't know how long we will be here so lets take time to let each other know what we feel. The worse thing in the world must be to believe that no one in this vast world gaves a damn about you. I know there are people here that like me and care. There are many that I care about. I pray they know, that I have told them. So if I tell you again. smile. And remember God loves you.

So if anyone still reads this blog, I am thinking of many of you, Lisa, Sally, Lammy, Angelheart, Brandi and Kevin (see Brandi, I didn't add the e) Maren. There is KJ as we use to call her.(makes me wish I was a young man), Fred and Wendy, Dewman and Nicole even nienie whom I have never hear from direct but has encourgaed me to keep going. Dawn and Jen over at ourcopd plus all the others over there. Carol and Jamie, to name a couple( the other already have names (LOL). There are other, of course but I didn't make a list. I write on the fly.

Life is short, but it can be great. Life is hard but it does teach. I keep you all in my prayers and thoughts. I hope I am in yours.

Esta la vista, dear friend

A black day in blog land. I read today that the person whose blog I took as a model of what a blog should be is not longer going to blog.

I shall miss reading about her kids, I was there as they grew up, got their license to drive. I was there when one had her accident in the family van. I was there when her son became a deacon in the Church.

I will miss your blog Lammy. I wish you the best and even if I am not there anymore to laugh with you, cry with you, worry with you, I will be thinking of you and your sweet family. Maybe some day you will blog again. If you do, drop me a line. Till then, Vaya con Dios.

The Wall

I remember back to my youth, 1961. It was a good summer to be 18 years old. The girls were out of school, my ship was in drydock, and I could go to town often.

Then one day, without warning, the Russians built a wall. At first it was just wire around parts of Berlin. A funny wall, made not to keep things out, but to keep people in. In time the wall grew to be a concrete monster. It had broken glass embedded on top. Soon people found that some building were built right along side the wall. People would go the upper floors and jump out the windows into West Berlin. The Russian than bricked up all the windows. I remember pictures of a woman who had jumped out but as she jumped one of the guards caught her arm. People on the outside, standing in West Berlin, grabbed her legs and a tug of war started. The managed to get her away and she was free.

An ugly thing, the wall. Keeping family apart, sons from parents, sisters from brothers, husbands from wifes. People build many things to get over the wall, balloons, armored cars. Some dug under the wall. Other took the chances and climbed throught the wire and over the wall. Many were shot as we in the west watched. Attacked dogs patrols along the fence, no one was allowed near the wall.

It breaks my heart to see the monster we are building along our southern border. it is an ugly thing. Many feet tall, with a wire fence a few feet from the wall. Dogs in the area between, aircraft and electronic sensors watching at all times. We take pictures of the area in the morning and in the evening. If something is different it meants that someone or something has crossed the strip. A footprint, disturbed grass. We say it was because of 9 11. We say it is to stop drugs. The truth is it is to stop Mexicans.

The only terrorist that ever crossed our borders, that we know about, came in from the north. Across Canada. The others came in on visas. Legal entry and over stayed there visa. Drugs? Do we really believe that a wall will stop drugs from entering the U.S.? With all the money the durg cartel have they will bribe someone to put it in a diplomate pouch and get it here, no problem. They have many ways to get it here, as long as there is a demand, it will get here. Just as whiskey was in the 1920-30.

I agree, we should control our borders but the fence or wall will not work. Make the wall 30 feet hight, someone will make a 35 foot ladder. People yearning to be be free will find a way. People wanting food will find a way. Why do people cross the border? Most to work. Want to stop them? Stop the businesses that are hiring them. Not just a little slap, but a hugh fine and perhaps close them for a set amount of time.

Commit a crime? Do the time or send them back where they came from to serve their time. If they reenter, give them hard time. No parole, no TV, no AC.

But please, let's be honest about why we are building the wall. We don't want them here. Even if we had a treaty, the treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. Signed at the end of the Mexican American war. We got the western half of what is how our country and in return we agree to let those Mexican that lived in what had been Mexico become citizen of the U.S. And they would have the right to cross the border at will to be with or vist their families. People still in Mexico would have the right to cross into the U.S. and visit or stay with family that were on our side of the border. Somewhere along the way someone canceled that part of the treat.

But I hate the wall because it reminds me of the Berlin Wall. It is ugly, it divides the land. It cost to much and people lost their land so the wall could be built. It saddens my heart when I see it. I am ashamed of it. It makes us prisoners in our own country. When it doesn't work and people keep crossing are we going to post solders with orders to kill? A young sheppard boy was shot and killed while tending his family's sheep. Because a marine though he was crossing the border. He had been carrying an old single shot 22 rifle to ward off coyotes. But he is just as dead as if he had been crossing with out a visa.

Remove the reason for them to cross (jobs) and they will stop. But please, Mr. Obama, tear down that wall.

I;m back!

Where does the time go? It was been some time since I updated my blog. I keep meaning to do so but life gets in the way. Hard to believe that Lianna has finish PreK and is ready for Kinder. I recall her first day, Halloween parade, her first Christmas play and her PreK graduation. It seems as if it was all done in one week.

Sophie is one year old! No way! I see her walking and when her dad comes to get her for bedtime. She runs to me, she doesn't want to go to bed. I try very hard not to laugh.

Robert has started working at USAA and is learning that money doesn't go as far as one expects. He is so glad that he was able to land a position at USAA. In his home town, close to Mexico so he can visit his love on weekends. He was in Mexico during the 3 day July 4th weekend.

I would post my passport picture but the bright light does nothing for me. Maybe after I work on it. Add some hair, touch up my face. no, I'll just not post it.

I have been keeping up with my friends blogs. My friend's LisaM blog is full of great news the last few posting. I am so happy for her and her family. It makes me glad to know such good people.

My friend Maren, what a great story she has to tell. From being home bound last spring and then after many years she is able to find a doctor that worked with her and got her into rehab. Now she is working in the garden, driving and having fun with her son. She is finding joy in picking up after her husband, Jeff, and son. Way to go Maren.

Maren introducted me to a bloger named Nienie. That is a very inspiring story. she was in a private airplane crash. Burned but lived. To this day she fight to regain her life. Having visited a burn ward to administer to someone, I know how hard she must of fought. I have no way of letting her how much she has motivited me to keep trying. Makes me ashame of my bellyaching over my "minor" pain of my rehab. I pray for her often. She posted that she doesn't look as she did before but I can see her true beauty shining. I am sure her husband and family see it too.

My friend Lammy. When I started blogging I wanted to be like her. Tell it like it is. Share my thoughts and feeling honestly. Take it or leave it, this is how I see it. Thanks Lammy, I miss it when you take time off from posting.

Brandi's blog reminds me of when I first became a father. Enjoy it Brandi and Kevin. It will warm your heart in later years.

I will try to keep this blog up to date but from time to time I know life will get in the way. I know that somedays I just don't feel like writing. Makes me think of Wendy, another blogger that is also a writer. I would hate to write a book and then have to rewrite the begining. But it must be harder to put up with her husband Fred. AKA busdriver Fred.

I was going to write about other things when I sat down but I followed my feelings and did this instead. Look for more real soon

happy

It has been a warm week in south Texas. Lianna got a new water slide and so their dad set it up in the front yard the other day. They sure enjoyed it. I was surprised how Sophie took to the water spray. She seems to love it. Lianna has always loved playing in the water. Only a few more days of school left and next Aug. Lianna moves into Kindergarden instead of PreK. I must say she learned a lot in PreK and it has changed her a little. Not always for the good but learning just the same. Am surprised by how much they do teach in PreK. She can read just a little and colors better then I ever did.

Sophie took her first unaided steps today. She was watching a bunch of kids danceing and swaying to music on some kids show and she started to sway and move up and down with them. When the music ended she started walking away. I was so surprised as she had only taked a few steps from table to chair and things like that. But then she remembered "Hey, I can't walk." and sat down. I think she will be walking before the end of the day. Some days it's great to be a grandpa!

Didn't go to church today. Woke up very early, took my shower, shaved but my shoulder was aching very bad. I took an ice pac and went back to bed. When it was time to get up and leave I was still hurting to much and didn't want to drive in traffic with just one arm. So I stayed home. I really expected this shoulder thing to be over by now. I start rehab in one week. So I guess the doctor expected it to last for awhile. Two weeks ago he told me to rest my arm and then go to rehab. Guess I have been doing to much. I did remove the wheelchair ramp from the front door, chopped down some catcus that were encrouching on my driveway and felt good afterwards. But not now.

So went my week. Renewed contact with some old online friends, always glad to know they remember me. All in all, it was a good week to be me.

Made It !

The offical photo

good bye Utah

The weather in Utah had been great till the night before we left. That Friday it started to rain and the wind came up. Robert started to pack his car for the trip home while I stayed indoors. I could not run up the down the stairs as he did. Soon all that could be pack was packed and we settled in for the night.

Sat. morning, wind still blowing, raining off and on. We took the last of our stuff down and we went to the BYU book store to buy some BYU shirts and caps. We parked and went in where my son once again led me to the stairs. What is it with young people? Anyway, I huffed and I puffed my way up and just was we hit the the top step the fire alarm went off. This disenbodied voice kept saying. "a fire has been reported, everyone please leave the building, do not use the elavators." Well, easier going down stairs then up. Out we went under the overhang while the workers looked for people in the building. After about half an hour, they declared "all clear" and back in we went. Up to the second floor, on the eleavator this time only to find the place close till 10 AM. We didn't want to wait so we said to each other, "Let's go home". Good bye Wilkie.

Off we went to the store, got twinkes, chips, pepsi and other stuff. We hit the road and headed south. I had never been to Moab, UT. I was very glad I was not driving as I was able to look around at all the rocks. We passed by a National park, Arches, I believe it was called. I remember seeing the rock formations in old western movies. What a sight! I loved it!

After some time we crossed into New Mexico and I was in my first dust storm. I saw signs on the side of the road telling people "Do Not Stop on Roadway". We slowed down to about 10-15 miles per hour, just fast enough to keep the tail lights of the car in front in view. At the same time we kept the white line along side the road in view. We were in this mess for about an hour. At time it was clear and we could speed up but we could see that it was still blowing ahead of us. When the sand hit the car it sounded as if someone was throwing gravel at the car. But in time we were able to leave it behind. After stopping for a bite to eat we headed south again.

Soon it became dark and I took over the driving. I drove from Albuquerque, NM to El Paso Texas and then for 200 more miles into Texas. About 100 miles into Texas we were pulled over by INS and I was asked if I was a citizens of the US, where was I going and why. I was tempted to answer in Spanish but thought better of it as I wanted to get home and it was about 3 in the morning and I didn't think they were in the mood for humor.

As the light started coming up, where we could see trees and clouds Robert was ready to drive again. So we pulled into a gas station and gassed up and changed driver. I fell asleep once we were on the road and when I woke up we were in San Antonio, Texas. Home at last. We pulled into our driveway and 9:30 AM. we had made the trip in just over 23 hours.

We had a good time on our trip, we talked, laughed, talked about what Robert's new life would be like now that he is entering the real world. He heard stories from me that he had never heard before. He told me stuff he had not shared before, such as how hard he had to work the last 2 years to get his degree. He loved it at the Y but he is ready to enter the world. He now will work on getting is GF into the states and then get married. We both were disappointed that the United States turned down her visa to come and visit the states.

So ended my 3er trip to Utah. I love the see the mountains, don't like to clime them. I can't move there because I couldn't find "good" Mexican food there. I love the people, I met most of the ones I know by meeting them online and then meeting them in person on my trip before this one. I shall always remember how they greeted me, made me feel special, gave me a book and in general a warm fuzzy feeling. I love you guys.

Hope to meet again soon.

Part 2, Utah diary

I had talked about how the grads marched into the Marriott Center. The above picture is a group of them outside and walking toward the M.C. There was another group across way even bigger. I took this picture off the jumbo screen in the Center.

This is inside the center and the stands across the way are starting to fill with grads. There were more seats that didn't fit in the picture. Those seats on the floor were for the staff and the PHDs and Masters to sit. The stand, of course, was for the deans and speakers. I was seated where I could see the telepromter and I knew what the speaker was going to say before he said it. I thought that was fun. Once it read "don't touch the microphone".

President Uchtdore of the First Presidency received an Honorary Doctoral Degree and after being hooded treated us with stories from his life. He told us that when he was a pilot flying for the German Airline company and he flew over Provo he would always announce "We are now flying over Provo, Utah. Home of the world famous Brigham Young University". He said he never imagined that one day he would be sitting on the stand, receive an honorary degree, and be a member of the First Presidency. He had sat where we were sitting, but at the very top roll when his children graduated from BYU. Picture taked off the jumbo screen.

Inside the Provo Tabernacle. Here Robert and the others would receive there diplomas. The different colleges at BYU each had convacations at different spots in Provo. There were 4 times set so we had to be done before 11 AM so the next college could use this spot. We started at 8 AM and time was not a problem. The grads marched in and sat in the balcony behind us till it was time for them to march across the stage.









This is a shot I took. The light is coming in behind them and you can't see faces but Robert is there. Down they came to the main floor and then down the toward the stage.








This is Robert, only about 2 others between him and his goal! Looks like a smirk on his face. He must of been so full of joy. He worked hard to get to this spot. I am proud of him

Robert Anthony Rivera, Bachelor of Science, Ira A Fulton College of Engineering and Technology. The long hard march is done. My heart was swelling , my eyes were a bit misty. Now we go outside to the garden for snacks and fellowship. Time for good byes and let's keep in touch. We got a friend of Robert's to take this next picture.

After this picture I asked the classmate to take one more just a bit closer. As he moved in I asked him to let me know just before he pressed the shutter. He did and this is what happened.

Robert wishes I had not done that and the person who took the picture said "blackmail picture". Other around laughed but I think some of those were wishing their dads had done that.

So after 4 years, lots of hard work and worry. It is done. I reminded Robert of his first year and how excited he was. His freshman oriation n the Marriott Center where he took a video clip showing the band playing the BYU fight song and the cheer leaders teaching them cheers, everyone with a smile on their face.

Remined him of his first chance to attend conferrance in person. Seeing a mountain just outside his window. His mission was a good teacher for how to handle time how to manage needs and wants. He tells me the first two years were great but the last 2 were a lot of hard work.

I guess I will add a part 3, our leaving the Y and our trip on the road.

Utah for graduation

It was a nice early morning when I boarded the aircraft for Salt Lake City. After many years and many calls from and to my son it was time for him to walk across the stage and receive his degree.

I first flew to Denver where we were surprised to get there early. So we had about 20 mins on the plane before they loaded more passengers. There were only 3 of us that were going on to SLC. Nice time to just chat with the crew and get an extra FULL can of soda! We had a lady captain and she was very friendly and a joy to speak with if only for a few mins.

At last she told us to take our seats as the other were coming down the ramp. I sat in my place and soon a man asked it the seat by the window was taken and I told him no, so he sat there. In no time a young lady asked it the middle seat was open and I told her yes, so she sat there. We smiled at each other and I told her I was going to Provo to see my son graduate and she looked at me and said she was going to Provo to see her mom graduate! Then the man by the window said he was going to go see his son do the same in Provo. As more and more people came on we saw that lots of them were wearing BYU gear!

In a very short time, we landed and parted ways. As I was walking down the concorse I saw the lady that had sat next me ahead and she turned and waved and said bye. I got to where my son was waiting and we were on our way. First stop, Brick Oven for a pizza. They really were good and very filling. Robert wanted to go be with the roommates from his freshman year and told me I was suppose to go too but I was just to tired and begged off and just slept. I had been so pepped up I had not slept the night before.

The Big Day! Commencement Exercises Day. We were up early and went out for breakfast, no food in the house. Then back home for some talk and picture taking. In no time at all it was time to get dress. We left a little early to be able to get a parking place but all of Provo had the same idea. But we found one and soon we were walking to the Marriott Center. As we walked up the stairs I saw a lady and she turned and pointed at me and I pointed at her. As she pointed, she said "your the man from the plane!" and I said "Your the lady from the plane." Of all the people walking toward the center we ended up walking next to each other. I introduced Robert and told him this is the lady I told you about. She took out her cell phone and called someone and said "remember the man I told you about? I am walking up the stairs with him." Then off she went to find her mom.

I went in and found a seat while Robert went on to where the students were meeting. I watched the march into the Marriott Center on the big screen and then as they came into the building everyone stood up. It took them close to an hour for then all to march in and after some time most of the people sat down, me too!

When they announced that there were 6000+ grads I was shocked. I pictured myself there till midnight but BYU does things a bit different. The had all the PHD stand, then the Masters, then the Baccalaureates stand and while they were all standing they awarded the degrees in mass.

We heard from Dieter F. Uchtdorf, second counselor in the first Presidency and then from Russell M Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve. Both of them gave talks there were very well received. I was glad to hear Elder Nelson talk about how proud he was to be there and how proud the students and parents should be on this day.

Next day, up early and off to the Provo Tabernacle for the convocation service. Once again, Robert and I parted as he went somewhere and I went in to find a seat. Found a good one where I could take pictures. Soon the hour was upon us and the students from the College of Engineering and Technology marched in and took their places in the baloney above. Again, we had talks and then the awarding of degrees. One by one, across the stage walked the graduates. I must confess, as they walked across the stage I thought "Geeks on parade". I told my son about that and he said that is what they called themselfs. He has a Tshirt with Geeks written in Binary. Only a fellow geek would know what it said.

Yes, I cried, but just a little and I don't think anyone saw that. Afterwards we had snacks and drinks in the garden of the Tabernacle. Met the professor and other that taugh my son. Met his boss and he told me Robert was one of the best teacher's assistains he ever had. Not afraid to do gradeing, something even the professer didn't like to do. Told me Robert once came in at 3 AM to do grading that someone had left undone. I told him Robert was a worker and that is how he made it to the Y. I told the professor that Robert had always told me he was going to the Y and that I would tell him that is a fine goal but that so many want to go that it is very hard to get in. The professer told me, "yes, it is very hard to get into BYU and even harder to graduate from BYU".

This will end part one. Part two will have picturs and stories of our drive home and our last few hours at the Y

My Easter

Picture of me, the Easter Bunny, Lianna, Sophie and my son Steven. If you click on picture it gets bigger

This Easter I accepted an invite to spend part of the day with my son's in-laws. I have been invited many times but have turned them down as I felt I didn't fix in with their style. But I am glad I went. I was treated as a king. They even had soft drinks for me. No one even offered me a beer or anything else with alcohol.

It was good to know that they remembered that about me.

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It had been many years since I saw Lianna and Sophie's cousin Audry but she remembered me and she still calls me "grandpa". When Lianna was first born and Audry was born a few days after, Audry's father's family didn't have any thing to do with her. I was always going over and playing with or taking care of Lianna and one day as I was leaving Audry called out "Bye Grandpa". I was about to tell her I was Lianna's grandpa but something make me stop and I thought to myself, Ok, I'll be her grandpa. I was telling Steven's M-I-L that Audry called me grandpa and she said "she always will".

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As the party was ending and some were leaving I realized that I had a good time. I was glad I went. Maybe I'll try to get out more. But I was stuffed and they gave me a plate with ribs, briquit, and sauage to take home. Also they had taken Twinkies and cut then in half and using other small candies made then look like peeps. A real joy to me as I remember Sandra loved peeps. And a big hunk of cake. I just finish the last of my leftover a couple of mins ago. Hope eveyone had a great Easter and took time to remember what Easter is about.

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He lives and because of that fact, I shall rise and see all my family and love ones again.

must be the weather

I really think I should not be writting this or posting it because I do not feel so well. I think I may be coming down with the flu or something. I hurt and I am tired and don't really feel like going on.

Ever have one of those days where things go from bad to worse? Well that has been my weekend. Today I just feel like giving up. This is the first real problem since my wife, Sandra passed. My surgery went well but I didn't expect to hurt so much and to not be able to do much of anything. It has taken this long for me to hold Sophie again but can't lift her as I use to. I can't play with Lianna either. It has been a couple of days pasted 2 weeks since the operation. I guess that is not to long a time for what they did. But then just when I can start to move my arm around again and can touch the top of my head my van quits. And I can't fix it because I am to weak. So my brother in law takes the van to his house and is working on it. I was there last night when I started to come down with what ever I got.

So today, I wake up, arm all sore again. Pain up to my neck. A low grade fever and more aches and pains. And then I go into feeling blue. Depression? And I start to feel alone.

I recall back in 1993 when the doctors told me I had a bad liver and there was no cure. They could not tell me how much time I had. So I went and had my photo taken so that my "little boys" could remember what there dad looked like. Then I recorded a song for my wife. It is named "just beyond the moon". I gave it to my wife and told her to play it if she got sad after I was gone. But life has a few tricks and I was offered a liver transplant. It worked and then when they told Sandra that, at the most, she had about 5 years of life left she gave the recording back to me. Today I dug it out and have been playing it. I even posted it on the side of this posting. I am trying the best to pull myself up. I even agreed to go to my son's in-laws for Easter tomorrow.They have been inviting me to come over for their many BBQ and party but this time I said OK.

So, I will go on and try to get back to my old self.

double clip on the picture at the bottom

I post this with tears in my eyes. As I told my son, "Not bad for a kid whose Grandma crossed the border in a rowboat and paid a nickle for the ride. And a grandpa who crossed the border on a horse with some of Pancho Villa's men."

I recall my mother telling me I had to finish high school because she didn't want her kids to have to suffer as she did. She told me of having bleeding hands from picking cotton all day in the field and the overseers hitting them if they worked to slow. She told of everyone in the family having to pick so they could afford food. No school for her.

And my dad, riding with the army of Pancho Villa and how the general he, my dad, was riding with crossed the border near Marfe, Texas and then posted funds from the army into his personal account. He left the group and returned to Mexcio and gathered his mom and brought her to the U.S. to start a life for them in this country.

Then there is me, served in the Navy and Army of the United States. Then I used the benefits earned went to school and started my family. And now I have a University grad coming up. I pray he goes on and fills what is his purpose in life. He all ready is an example of what can be done in our commuinty.

I remember

Today I was sitting on the front porch and as I looked at the trees starting to put on their green overcoat I got to thinking.

I remember being able to get a Bruce fried pie and a coke for 15 cents.

I remember soda costing 5 cents each or 6 for 25 cents

I remember my bike, red with chrome fenders and saddle bags.
Pee Wee Herman had nothing on me!

I remember licorice candy in the shape of a baby about an inch long
We called them Tar Babys, a penny each.

I remembe a Pelon. A free bee at the store when you bought stuff. Most of the
it was a piece of fried pork skin. Put you hand in the bag and pick
one out.

I remember the pickel jar, pay your nickle and put your hand in and choose a
pickel.

I remember a giant barrol of lard, bring your own can and the butcher would
fill your can. Or you could buy a prepackage block but that cost more

I remember the butcher would get half a beef uncut and he would cut it anyway
you wished. Cheese in one long block, he would slice it as thick or
thin as you wanted.

I remember mom send us to the store to buy stuff and telling the man "put it on
bill" and he didn't even ask your name. He knew everyone.

I remember kerosine, used for lots of things. We used it to cook, heat and if you
stepped on a nail, it was poured into the wound. I recall one of my
sisters slipped and fell on a gravel patch and after they pulled out
the gravel they cleaned it out with kerosine

I remember going to visit friends without calling first. They would welcome you
in and you could spend an afternoon with them. Phones were not in
in the normal home in those days.

I remember every home had a bottle of idion or mercurachrom and when you cut
yourself it was put on. Now you can't even buy it anymore. We called it
monkey blood. "get the monkey blood, Lee cut himself."

I wonder how we all lived to be old men and ladies. The times were much more laid back, we played in the street, brought comic books for 5 and then 7 cents each. We walked where we had to go and even the 100 degree heat didn't trouble us, it was all we knew.

trip to the center for surgery

So What happen? That is what I asked the nurse at my doctors office this morning.

Yesterday, 3/10/09 I went in to have a bone tumor removed from my right shoulder. After all the lab work, the EKG, and all the questions about my body and myself it was time. The gas passer came and talked to me, more questions and then he gave the ok. The surgeon came in and taked to me too.At last, a real person came in and told me she was going to give me a shot that would relax me and than they would transfer me to the OR where they would move me on the an operating table.

Well, next thing I thought I saw was a bunch of guys with long pipes swinging then at each other. I closed my eye and opened them again and they were gone. Then I looked at my shoulder, expecting to see a big bandage on it but there was nothing. Then someone told me they had been unable to intubeate me and after many tries had decided to do it at a hospital. I was feeling so sleepie and dazed that I just laid there. They hleped me get dress, called my ride and before I knew it, my ride was there.They gave me a list of things I should do and not do. The ones I remember were "don't drive, don't sign any contract, etc for the next 24 hours.

I got home, posted a message I was home and went to bed. In the evening I woke up, still feeling bad but had a message on my phone to call my doctor for an appointment for surgery. It was passed office hours so I put that off. I had big lips and saw where I think I bit byself inside my mouth. I was spitting up blood, not much just tined. I had a sore throat but other wise ok.

Last night I woke up and was hungry so I ate, this morning I called the offiic and she told me that they are going to do the orperation at the hospital where they have stuff to make my throat relax so they can pass the tube. They didn't have the stuff at the surgery center. So I am set for next week, 19 March at the same time. Have to be there at 6:30 AM. I should be operationed on about 10 AM. So here I go again.

Pain may be good and it has a purpose

This morning I was reminded that I have a problem. I went grocery shopping this morning and as I reached for a 12 pack of soda water I used my right arm. It felt as if my arm was going to come out of it socket! Good thing I go early in the morning as the pain sent me to ny knees. There was no one in the row with me else they may have sounded an alarm! Man, I hurt. And to think that just a few mins before I had been thinking that maybe I should pospone surgery, after all, wasn't the pain getting less and less? (didn't think vicodin could have something to do with that). Anyway, I did the rest of my shopping and had them carry it out and place it in the van.

I will say I am not looking forward to having surgery but I have been told that the tumor in the shoulder bone will keep growing and in time it would break the joint. I had decided to have surgery when first told but as time passed I started having second thoughts.

So, pain served as a reminder that one should do what is best as soon as one finds out what that is. Once on the right path, keep going. Hope to post as soon as I can type with both hands.

Tomorrow (02/10/09) is the day of surgery. I have been told they will make a window in my right shoulder and expose the joint. There they will cut into the bone and remove the tumor and send it off to the lab. At this point all the doctors feel it is not cancer but it is growing so they have to remove it before it breaks the joint which is not good for the body. If it were not for pain I would not have known that I had a tumor.

Remember, take care of pain, it is the way our body lets us know something is not right
Remember, take care of Spirital pain, it is the way our Spirit lets us know something is wrong.

some tmes they make us cry

I had a memory jogger the other day. Lianna had been out with her other grandma and her mom. I guess they were running around shopping for stuff as woman do.

When she came home she knocked on my bedroom door and came in and handed me a ziplock bag with 3 peeps inside. Sandra loved Peeps. Every year around Easter she would buy lots of Peeps. Yellow were her favorite. Sandra would share her Peeps and we enjoyed them while they lasted.

When Lianna gave me the bags of Peeps she instructed me that I could eat one now and save one for later. But she said, "Don't eat the other one." I asked her why she said "Save it for when grandma (Sandra) comes back with Jesus."

Lianna was 3 years old when Sandra passed. It has been said "by their fruits ye shall know them". Sandra raised a great crop. Lianna remembers what is in her heart, remembers when grandma taught her. Some times she touchs me in way I never would have imagine.

At times I feel as if Sandra is very near watching over us.

The verdict

Went to see my bone doc today. He showed me the pictures of my MRI. I saw the tumor and how it is effecting my arm. He said by the looks of it in is not cancer but when it is removed he will sent it off to be tested.

He will cut a window flap into my shoulder and then go in and remove the tumor. Then he will fill the hole with (play doe) artificial bone by making a paste and filling the hold. After all that he will sew my flap back and in 12 or so days they will remove the stiches.

Then I will be able to start using my arm again, gently at first but in about 8 to 12 weeks I shoujld be back to normal. ( that will be different, been long time since anyone called me normal)

He said expect some pain and soreness but if I let it go and just take shots to get rid the pain the tumor will keep growing and in time will break the bone. At that time I would have to have surgery anyway. So I say, lets get it done now so I can play with the grandkids again.

With a 99% chance of it not being cancer I feel better. I now wait for all the arrangments to be made. He wants in down in no more that a week or 10 days.

So now I wait to hear from his office. You know how HMOs work, first it has to be approved. He did make me feel good when he said, I was to young to just let it go. Gee, first normal and then young. What a day. And I didn't have to wait, went in at appointment time and out in less the half an hour.

not again

I guess I have been lamenting about my shoulder for the last couple of weeks. Sorry about that. I started thinking of all the people I have met online and the real problems they are having. Once I did that I see how blessed I really am.

I see some of my friends that have CF or other problems that keep them from being the mothers or daughter they wish they could be. I read of families with kids that have special problems and how their mothers must long to see then just talk and run as other kids do. I have an online friend that went to the hospital for lung problems and came back posting the good news. Then nothing more for many weeks. I worry about her. I pray she is ok and just resting.

So why am I complaining about myself? My family is doing well. My grandkids can run and play and get in trouble. My sons are going forward, maybe not the path I would that they follow but forward just the same.

I live thanks to the gift from a stranger. I had a wife that loved me, more then I deserved. I have known good people. I count you, my friends, in that group.

Thanks for letting me talk about myself. Hope it was not to boring. But I do ask for your prayers again. I hate going to hospitals. My MRIs scare me. But fear comes from not knowing. Tomrrow I should know.

the beat goes on

Well, it is offical. I have a torn rotorer cuff. Doctor said he could give me a shot and the pain would be gone but the problem would still be there. In time my arm would be less and less usefull. Or I could have surgery and he could repair it.

After thinking about it for a couple of seconds I told him that seeing as I didn't know how much longer I would live that I wanted to be able to use both arms. So Friday I am off for an MRI. Then I will have surgery. No date yet, doctor wants to see the picture first so he can decide the best way to go after the problem.

I must say vicadin does help with the pain but I think it makes me a little sleepie. After I take a dose, if I lie down I fall asleep.

But there is good news. I received a note from a long lost contact Star!!! Than helped make my day. I also made contact with an old chat friend from Wisconsin. I believe her chat name was polarpook. All in all, an upswing day.

update on shoulder

Well, I have to go in for a orthopedic surgery Evaluation. Seems that is for a start, I have a bone spur in my shoulder. Have to pick up my Xray and take them to the ortho doctor Monday, the 16. He said he most likely would order an MRI to see if there is a soft tissue problem also.

The one good bit of news was my regular doctor gave me an RX for vicadin.

That does help but I still feel the pain if I forget and try to pick up Sohpie or Lianna. The girls at the grocery store look at me funny when I ask them to carry out my stuff and put it in the van. Last trash day I hear a dog outside and there was a dog trying to get into my trash. I picked up a small stone and threw it at him. You would have had a laughing fit if you saw what happen. The stone flew at least 2 feet! It look like I had thrown a balloon. Even the dog was rolling on the ground laughing at me. And it hurt !

But I am doing better. My spirit are up, food taste good. The grandkids love me. I love them, life will go on. Shoot, I may even keep blogging!

Pain defeats me

Last year I decided to redo my sons room before he came home from BYU for the summer. Down came the ninja turtle curtains, down came the posters on the wall left over from his younger days. Off came the glowing stars from the ceiling, then the puttying of the holes left by many hanging hooks and staples.

Of course then there came the sanding and painting. About this time my shoulder really started to hurt but I had to finish so I kept going. At last I got the room done and thought my shoulder would soon feel better.

Around Christmas time I started to work on the bathroom, Putty up some cracks, again over my head, but when I was done my shoulder hurt as if I had a knife in the joint. After a few days I started to sand but the pain made me stop.

Well, I have been waiting to feel better but it just hurt worse and worse. At last I went to the doctor and you know, it stopped hurting while I was there. When the doctor saw me he held my shoulder and lifted my arm, I jerked back and then he help my shoulder again and lifted my arm forward and once again I felt like bashing him on the nose. So off to Xray he sent me.

I waited for a couple of days before I went in, had to wait for my check to come in. Once I got there they had me lay on the table and twisted my arm around this way and that way. It hurt a little but when I got home I was really in pain. It has been 3 days now and today I had tears in my eyes, it hurt so bad. A friend stopped by and offered me some of her pain meds but I turned her down. Didn't want to get anyone in trouble. But tomorrow I am going to call my doctor for some meds.

I am defeated. It hurts to comb my hair, what l little I have left. Hurts to brush my teeth, just hurts to use it. My friend noticed that I had my shoulder hanging lower then the other shoulder. I just want to lie in bed and sleep. I went looking for any pills that may have been left over from my wife. I now know why they take them away.

Plus today I got the word that the Xrays show something is wrong. They didn't tell me what just that I had to go see another doctor and he/she would explain what was wrong and what they wanted to do.

My doctor told me he thought I had a rotor cuff problem but before he was sure I had to have xrays and if that didn't show anything then I would have an MRI or sonorgraph. Looks like the xray showed something so I guess it is not a soft tissue problem.

But for now, I hurt. Think I'll go check the secret hiding place my wife use to have. Must be some vicadin somewhere.

My Friend Lisa

I was reviewing my bloging over the last year. This blog is one year old now. I have shared my feelings with you and hope you have understood what I was saying. As I read and thought over the last year one thing kept coming to mind.

I recall reading some blogs when I came across a reference to a blog called Lisa's Rambings. I went to check it out and it has become a must read for me. I would read and p0nder what was said and learned about her struggles and hopes. I went back and read all her posting from day one. I made a comment now and then but that was about it. Then in 2007 I went to Salt Lake City to spend Christmas with my son in Provo.

While there a group of my friends that have met online for many years got the idea that it would be great to get together. Most of them lived around the area and had met before but I was from Texas and had never met any of them in person. So one day we met for lunch. I met such wonderful people. Everyone one of them. I also met one named Lisa but never in my life connected her with a blog called Lisa's Rambings. I remember thinking how quite she was. Nice but kind of keeping to herself. So I took pictures of the group when I got home it hit me. That was "the Lisa from blogland"! I knew this lady! I had felt her fusstrations, seen her pride in her kids and had gone alone with her during her ups and downs. I kicked myself for not putting that together while I was in Utah.

I know her son "E" and I know the joy he brings her as well as the pain. I know her daughter "V". A sport star at her school. Number 14 I believe. I have cheered them both on.

So, what I am trying to say is "Lisa, I am so glad I know you and I wish to tell you, You go girl. To most in the world, you are just a mom. But to your family, you are the world. I am glad I can call you my friend.

Take care and know that you influence many and you might never know who is helped by you.

Cactus Cuties

For those of us that skip reading comments on blogs I here by post the follow

The Cactus Cuties are the real deal. If you want to hear more of their music, there are 18 of their music videos posted at www.youtube.com/user/bullhead003. You can read all about them and their activities at www.thecactuscuties.com. FYI, their current ages are 9, 11, 12 & 14. The 9 year old is my granddaughter

It is well worth the visit to see and hear them. I thank the grandfather, Bullhead003 for his post on my blog telling me where to find more of these great singers.

Thanks Sally

After my last post a friend of mine, Sally sent me an email with the National Anthem by a group of girls. I was so impressed by they way they sang it that I did a bit of research.

They are known as The Cactus Cuties. I like the way they sang the National Anthem so much that I have posted it here. It is on the left, at the top. Take a listen. And again, Thanks Sally.

Star Spangled Banner

I must be in a patriotic mood today. I was playing the Star Spangled Banner for about the upteens time when my grandaughter came to me and asked about it.

As i tried to tell her the story of France Scott Key being held on the English ship while they bombarded the American harbor. How the guns were fireing all night long and because it was dark you could not see the our flag. Was it still flying? Were we still there? But every now and then a bomb would burst in the air or a rocket's light would show that "our flag was still there."

Try as I did I could not stop tears from running down my face. Don't know what she thought about that, she didn't say anything. But it made me think back to my younger days. Of being on an Amercian ship in a strange port.

Every morning while in a host country's port we would "go to quarters" and stand at attention while our band play the anthem of the host country and then our national anthem. I always had shivers go down my back. I still do. Once we were in port as part of NATO, There were many ships from other countries and as was the custom we played the anthem of the host country and then the anthem of all the ships in port that were part of NATO. Last was "the Star Spangeled Banner". We must of been at quarters for over half an hour. I think we must of the been the ship from the farthest place. But we were the best looking ship!!! Had to be, we were representing The United States of America.

So, as I told Lianna the story of that star spangled banner, ripped, torn but not down, she told me, "maybe they used honey to make it stick together". I hope she understood what I was trying to tell her.

Where do we go from here

Some times I worry about this great country of ours. When will we ever learn?

Did you know that before world war 2 our army was the 12th largest in the world? There were countries in South America that were larger. On the eve of Pearl Harbor, 2 years after the nazis invaded Poland, our navy was flying outdated aircraft. Our pilots paid the price at the battle of Midway. Yes, we won that battle, by the grace of God, but we lost squadrons of torpedo bombers. They paid the price so the dive bombers could be in position to release their loads on the Jap carriers. Young men, brave and true to their oath, did what had to be done.

Then after a hard won war, what do we do? We sack our military. Break up aircraft for scrap, send our soldiers to far way places to keep that peace. But we don't give them what they need. They have left over aircraft and tanks from the last war. We paid the price in a place called Korea. Yes, once again out guys held the line while we called back our troops, took ships out of mothballs and saved the day. Did you know the goverment wanted to scrap all of our aircraft carriers after WW2? The admirals of the navy said they would resign if the goverment did that. It was called the revolt of the admirals. A few carriers were spared and you know what saved the day in Korea? Aircraft from navy carriers. Most of the planes were left over from WW2. We pay the price with the blood of our young men.

Now I read that someone wants to not built our F22. A new fighter for the Air Force. He said "the F-15 are good enough". He wants to built many more F-15 for a smaller price then the new F 22. Shades of WW2. The navy was flying twin wing aircraft when WW2 started because they were good enough. Thank God by the time of Pearl Harbor we had aircraft that were able to hold the line. But sill not the best we could have had. But our guys paid the price, in blood.

Question. If we have to fight someone again would you want your kids to enter battle in something that is good enough? Our would you want want them in the best available?

We won the gulf war because we had the best aircraft,the best tank and the best military. Not just good enough, THE BEST. We could have won with good enough but at a higher price, not in goods, but in blood.

Our country now enters a new stage. A new leadership, untried and unproven. Will the military be made to do with good enough? Will we expose ourself to attack because our leaders want to be nice to those who would kill our children in the name of their god? Will we stand by and let this happen? We have before, will we again?

Please, not again, Dear Lord. Let us remain strong, always watching . Let us provide our people with the best tools for the job. May our troops be well trained, strong and supported by "we, the people".