must be the weather

I really think I should not be writting this or posting it because I do not feel so well. I think I may be coming down with the flu or something. I hurt and I am tired and don't really feel like going on.

Ever have one of those days where things go from bad to worse? Well that has been my weekend. Today I just feel like giving up. This is the first real problem since my wife, Sandra passed. My surgery went well but I didn't expect to hurt so much and to not be able to do much of anything. It has taken this long for me to hold Sophie again but can't lift her as I use to. I can't play with Lianna either. It has been a couple of days pasted 2 weeks since the operation. I guess that is not to long a time for what they did. But then just when I can start to move my arm around again and can touch the top of my head my van quits. And I can't fix it because I am to weak. So my brother in law takes the van to his house and is working on it. I was there last night when I started to come down with what ever I got.

So today, I wake up, arm all sore again. Pain up to my neck. A low grade fever and more aches and pains. And then I go into feeling blue. Depression? And I start to feel alone.

I recall back in 1993 when the doctors told me I had a bad liver and there was no cure. They could not tell me how much time I had. So I went and had my photo taken so that my "little boys" could remember what there dad looked like. Then I recorded a song for my wife. It is named "just beyond the moon". I gave it to my wife and told her to play it if she got sad after I was gone. But life has a few tricks and I was offered a liver transplant. It worked and then when they told Sandra that, at the most, she had about 5 years of life left she gave the recording back to me. Today I dug it out and have been playing it. I even posted it on the side of this posting. I am trying the best to pull myself up. I even agreed to go to my son's in-laws for Easter tomorrow.They have been inviting me to come over for their many BBQ and party but this time I said OK.

So, I will go on and try to get back to my old self.